Lost and Confused

Everyone knws that when I got my DUI I made a promise to my mom that I would never drink again and when she passed that was a bigger sign that I needed to stop doing it. Last night I went to a friend's house and there was this bottle there and I swear it was talking to me and when I said I need to get away from it a jerk said just drink it who the f*** cares why you stopped drinking. At that point instead of knocking him out I left. Everyday I want to pick up a bottle and lose myself in it and not feel the pain anymore. I dont sleep anymore and all I do is sit here and do everything a wife would do. I am so tired and confused and I dont knw where to go I given it to GOD but I still feel the weigh of my world on my shoulders. I need help I need my family to see how I am hurting and want to help. I feel like the BIGGEST FAILURE in the world